19 November 2010 § 6 Comments
This post is probably going to be a “Dear Abby” style one, because something… unsettling happened to me and I need to write about it.
Some people may remember the incident Miss Medicina described in a post last February: to summarise it quickly, she was sending a whisper to a raid leader about a certain raid member being “borderline retarded”, and by mistake she sent the whisper to said raid member. MM’s post was (I thought) a very sweet reminder that even someone who is fundamentally good can say hurtful things without really meaning to.
Well, today I was the recipient of a whisper describing myself as “prickly” and “quick to criticise”. The whisper was clearly not intended for me, and came from someone whom I had, until that very moment, considered a good (WoW) friend. I am very aware of the difference between online friendship and RL ones, and while I know that one can turn into another, I also know that online friendships have this deceptive depth to them that can trick you into considering them much stronger than they really are – but that didn’t change the fact that, having raided and partied and shared stories and wipes with someone for the past year or so, I was very hurt to suddenly find out the image she had of me. To make matters worse, he went on to state that it’s because he could never understand what I thought of him, and I kept turning hot and cold with him, and so he did not know how to take anything I said (I had just whispered him about a remark he had made during the raid, which I had found sligthly offensive, but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, so I thought a whisper to let him know would solve it). And yes, I am changing pronouns to indicate the person in question, to make it harder to identify him or her.
I did not have the coolness of MM’s “victim”. I just replied something along the lines of “nice mistell”, and when she kept explaining I tried to keep my replies to a minimum. I was, quite frankly, still reeling. I still don’t know what I will do.
I can do nothing, and just accept that he thinks I am this way. Honestly, that adds a whole new layer of tension which I am sure I want to carry over (because yes, this person is in my 10-man raid, and no, this was not the tension I had sort of alluded to in my last post, though the conclusion to that post about interpersonal relationships being more important than strategies reads kinda ironic now). Although the actual words in the message look fairly tame, now that I write about them, I am not sure I am ready to forget the blow they delivered to me when I first read them.
I can just quit the raid, but is that really going to solve the issue? I am still in the same guild (in fact, I have just become guild leader of that guild…) and she is still an important and active person of the same small guild. And quitting WoW over this seems… a bit overblown, to say the least. (And restarting on another server or faction is not exactly something I can look forward to – my roots into Feathermoon Horde are too deep). I am sure that the raid would survive (well, I *do* think I have an important social function in smoothing things over, but I don’t think that is invaluable or irreplaceable in any way).
I guess the only real, mature option is to talk to him about it all, and try to solve the issue. Frankly, I doubt I will ever get to trust her as much as I did until today – by nature, I tend to be a fairly trusting soul, I think, but once I feel that trust is betrayed I find it really hard to continue. I am hoping we can get to a level where we can work together, though, because it would suck majorly if this ruined Feathermoon for me.
For now? God it hurts.